Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
grandma shit on top of the toilet
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
