Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm way too hungover for life right now
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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