thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
