i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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