so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
