I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
