I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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