hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
