Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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