I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
