Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
