How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
