1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
