ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
