I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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