I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
