Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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