he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
