How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
