Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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