It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
