Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
