This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
