you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
