Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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