Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
