New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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