Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
