And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
