with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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