...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
