I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
