he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
