its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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