so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
