Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
only you would photoshop your dick
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
