In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
