thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
