this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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