it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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