last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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