I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
