I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
