have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she pinky promised me she was 18
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
