Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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