my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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