would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
