I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
you made out with another girl for some wings
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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