I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
