best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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