watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
