Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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