I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
