Duck Duck Cougar?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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